Love is a beautiful foundation for marriage, but when your partner has a past marriage, love alone is not enough. The heartbreaking story of some “widows” teaches us that good intentions and a generous spirit can be shattered by legal oversight. If you are considering marrying a divorced man, let wisdom guide your heart. Here is your essential checklist:
1. Verify, Don’t Assume.
The single most important step is verified legal documentation. You must physically see and, if necessary, have a lawyer confirm his Certificate of Divorce Decree Absolute. A separation, a story of sending his ex away, or a church annulment is not enough. The law requires a court-issued decree. Assume nothing.
2. Understand His Full Financial and Parental Landscape.
He has existing obligations. You need honest discussions about:
· Child support and custody agreements.
· Existing debts or financial liabilities.
· His relationship with his ex and children. Are boundaries clear and healthy?
3. Insist on Estate Planning Before Marriage.
This is non-negotiable. A will is not a curse; it is an act of love and responsibility. If he balks, see it as a major red flag.
· A will explicitly states his wishes for property distribution, protecting you and all the children.
· Discuss and agree on property ownership, especially any home you will contribute to. Is it in his name, yours, or jointly?
4. Keep Financial Records with a Clear Conscience.
If you contribute financially to a shared asset (like building a home), keep every receipt, bank transfer, and contract. This is not “unchristian” or distrustful; it is prudent stewardship. It provides a clear record of your investment, offering legal protection for you and the security of your contributions.
5. Build on a Legal Foundation, Not Just a Spiritual One.
Ensure your own marriage is legally solemnized and registered. A religious ceremony alone may not confer legal rights. Protect your status as a legal spouse from day one.
Love is wonderful, but it must be paired with wisdom. Entering this marriage with your eyes open and your affairs in order is not a lack of faith—it is a profound act of love. It protects the life you are building, ensures fairness for all children involved, and honors your own worth. You are not just marrying a man; you are joining a complex history. Do so with both an open heart and your eyes wide open.
Inspired by: Proverbs 22:3 (NIV)
“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” Proverbs 22:3 (NIV).
Wisdom involves foreseeing potential legal and financial danger and taking practical steps (like verifying documents and making a will) to take refuge. It frames prudence as a virtue, not a lack of faith.
Let your love be wise, so your story can be secure.
Thanks for reading. May God’s Grace be sufficient for you. If you find this message useful, I urge you to share it to your love ones. Shalom and life to you.
E.A. Randolph-Koranteng
…A Servant of Christ… (Idea Champions Center)
